Am I really such a bad person?

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Until I have my old blog back in my possession I’ll have to hide here. Here is where I expect to be able to be as weak and vulnerable as I really am most of the time. Here’s where I can cry out uncensored. Sometimes I need to whine without anyone commenting back.

How did I come to assume that protecting me is selfish and therefore wrong and bad?

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I did something terrible today and I hope someday I will forgive myself for hurting a good person who didn’t deserve it but he wanted from me something I couldn’t provide for the life of me and I know he meant good but he doesn’t really know me; he only knows my mask; I’m a social freak so don’t ask of me to behave like a normal person because that is not in my power to do.

I switched off my mobile, I'm not checking my gmail today-just leave me bleed in peace.

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I’m filled with guilt but I’m twice as filled with rage because I had to do harm as a response to something I didn’t ask for. What was so bad that I did to deserve the agony I’m going through? WHAT?

And I absolutely hate surprises. I felt trapped.