Sunday, 6 May 2018

... 601

I had to spend almost entire Friday at Berlin Tegel airport (my flight was late at night, I'd slept poorly and was too exhausted to go wherever and do whatever). “I can survive 10 hours at the airport”, I thought, “what's the big deal?”

Time stood still. I would check my phone just to see that what seemed like 2 hours were only 20 minutes.

I hadn't felt in quite some time that feeling of not belonging. It was vivid, almost physical, as if it was an entity, something I could point to or hold in my hand. There I was, stranded at the airport for what seemed an eternity and facing the unchangeable and unquestionable prospect of doing the same for even longer. I was dying, just dying to get away from that airport; and at the same time I desperately didn't want to return to the only place there was for me to return to. Being there sucked, going back sucked even more.

Tuesday, 1 May 2018

... 600

I might feel miserable in my life for many reasons but matters of the heart is not one of them. Not only I haven't been in love for ages but I seriously wonder if I have ever been in love at all. At some point I figured that love was too much bother and demanded time and energy I didn't have and still don't. The ever growing pressure at work and the exhaustion it leads to simply leaves no room for romance. And I wonder: is love a basic human necessity or simply a social habit that you pick up in youth and accept for granted without questioning? Every day I get home from 10 hours of tormenting work and each time after locking the door behind me I think “Thank God I'm home alone!”

Saturday, 17 February 2018

... 599

They say that a problem well stated is a problem half-solved. Not when the problem is outward in nature. I have identified exactly what makes me miserable and it hasn't brought me an inch closer to its solution. It couldn't get any darker and there's no dawn in sight, no miracle on the horizon to save the day. Miracles only come to fictional characters.

Saturday, 10 February 2018

... 598

"God never gives you more than you can handle."

Lately I get the feeling that I might be one of the exceptions that prove the rule. I am tough but am I that tough?

Monday, 29 January 2018

... 597

The moral of “The beauty and the beast” is that people learn only the hard way and you can get the idea of kindness into their heads only if you hit them with a brick. Which is all there is to know about human nature.

Saturday, 20 January 2018

... 596

Why worry about the future when the present is terrible enough as it is?

Saturday, 13 January 2018

... 595

Funny how there's always a stone in your shoe. Right now I have a whole set.