Saturday, 22 April 2017

... 582

I don't get people. And every time I try to I wish I haven't. "To know is to suffer." And yet I keep trying. Does that make a masochist?

... 581

You remember that joke about the pessimist and the optimist? The pessimist says "It can't get any worse than that" and the optimist says "It can, it can."

Yes, it can, and next week it will. Should I shoot myself now or now?

Saturday, 1 April 2017

... 580

My work week was so terrible and exhausting that today it feels as if I've dodged a bullet and I'm lucky just to be alive. If not else, to feel this way simplifies life significantly. But I very much hope that when I get my paycheck there will be "else". At least hope is free.

Sunday, 26 March 2017

... 579

The only people posting patriotic stuff on Facebook are the expats.

I don't get it. If you're so homesick, by all means, come back.

But they never do. The expats are just like the Ankh-Morpork dwarfs who weep in their tankards about the good old mine they came from but wouldn't even think about going back to it.

That's not patriotism, that's nostalgia - the same way I am nostalgic about my childhood but wouldn't want to relive again. It's oh so easy to advocate for something when you're at a safe distance.

Saturday, 11 March 2017

... 578

“Know yourself.” But when you start digging be prepared not to like what you might unearth.

And I found out that I wasn't as tolerant and understanding as I prided myself to be. True, I manage to stay clean from conflicts but not by truly accepting other people's differences but by simply keeping people at a safe distance, by isolating myself in a bubble from everyone that fails to cover my requirements. That's not acceptance, that's denial, just erase-and-rewind technique. It's easy to do the math: no people, no problems. In other words: I suck at compromises big time but no one knows it because no one is let to get close enough. It's not like my social skills got better - I got better at faking them.

How did I get to fear people so much?

Friday, 3 March 2017

... 577

I wouldn't want to go back in time and be a teen again. I am grateful that I'm past the need to be everyone's cup of tea. Of course, it feels good to be liked but whenever that is not the case it no longer feels like the end of the world. Precious freedom of mind.

Saturday, 25 February 2017

... 576

I'm genuinely surprised by the effect Donald Trump still has on me. I should've get used to the situation by now and yet… Every time he's on TV his very presence in the spotlight feels like an insult on everything that I hold dear, an insult on humanity. Shame, such a shame.