Monday 20 May 2013

... 322


I need cheering up; urgently.

Every time I meet depression and stare at its cold face it leaves a mark on me-even if we go separate ways. It waves at me, whispering “I know where you live. And I’ll crash at your place when you least expect it.”

Sunday 19 May 2013

The cycle


hoping and praying
trusting and betraying
lusting and gorging
swallowing and chocking
getting and losing
touching and bruising
loving and healing
giving and stealing
smiling and crying
hello-ing and goodbye-ing
fighting and failing
hurting and paying
yearning and burning
tasting and learning
collecting and wasting
forgetting and regretting  

and still asking for more
until the end of it all
until dust.

Thursday 9 May 2013

... 321


- concert ticket – checked;
- Amazon shipment – dispatched;
- plane ticket – checked.

Now I only have to book a hotel.

And go, of course.

And have fun.

One step at a time.

Edit: - hotel reservation - checked.

I'm all set now.

Monday 6 May 2013

... 320


I feel humble as a pebble. This will have a much greater impact than just downright thrill. If it were to help I would've kicked myself for playing the sleeping dummy for so long. 

Sunday 5 May 2013

Spiral


Hibernation timed out. How long
ago did I inhale my last true breath?
The heart shivers, still cold
from the grip of untimely death.

A scrap of memory pervades
the frozen canvas of my thoughts;
a flood of dreams attempts a move-
the apathy fights back in roars.

I will not die. It’s not my time-
there’s still much more to see,
to taste, to touch, to learn, to try,
to gain and lose, to love to tears.

I break my coffin, I grasp for air
and thousand screams come out.
My body’s paralyzed with pain-
but again I am alive.

Am I?

Friday 3 May 2013

Ha!


It is decided. 

Edit: Not only decided but already in motion.
I bought the concert ticket.

I am going :)))))))))))))))) And it better be worth it.

I HAVE A TICKET!

Breathe, breathe. It will all come together. It will-I consider no other option.

Thursday 2 May 2013

... 319


It dawned on me: among other reasons I want to go to that concert because I have almost no time left. Right now I can still mix up with youngsters and get away with it. In just a few years I will simply look ridiculous and totally out of place. You can't fight nature-not indefinitely at least. It just has to be now or never.

Wednesday 1 May 2013

... 318

“Should I stay or should I go?” I mean a concert of course, what else? I wish I didn't have to go alone but if there’s no other way… I’m sure Berlin will be lovely in June. I want to feel that rapturous again. I wonder if I still can. Right now nothing seems more important…or worthy.


Even my horoscope agrees: “It's officially time for you to forget about everything except that which gives you unadulterated joy.” 
I want the magic back. I know it’s there; and I only have to reach out.

Edit: Oh, the cold shower! All the hotels near the venue are sold out at the requested dates. ALL! What the…
Oh fuck.

OK, breathe. Not all is lost. Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully I’ll think of something. It’s not often I get excited but when I do don’t try to stand in my way.

One second I think I should know better than to act on an impulse, the next second I think that if I want it so badly then I should go for it because being sorry is way better than being regretful.
Duh.

I wish I wasn't going alone.

This swinging between Y and N makes me dizzy-but not in a good way.