... 365

I used to have troubles with the voices in my head.

And now we get along so well we don’t even have to speak.

... 364

Weekends used to freak me out-I couldn't face whole two days all by myself. And now I can't wait for weekends to come. Sometimes I worry that not only I have become accustomed to solitude but I have grown to enjoy it, maybe even prefer it. If not else solitary is at least convenient.

... 363

As of this moment I’m officially post-gig depressed. The utter sadness, the overwhelming emptiness, the tears burning my eyes-it’s all here, the whole package; it is the price I have to pay.

Of course I wouldn't change a single thing but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Damn.

Happy birthday, Trent

I want to know everything

I want to be everywhere

I want to fuck everyone in the world

I want to do something that matters

Berlin, my love

Another inspiring trip, new lessons learned, old friends, new friends, shared passion, fucking fantastic concert, old flame revived-it was a dream!

... 362

It gets a lot easier when you stop seeing people as demons reincarnated but for who they really are-unique mix of charms and flaws, with their own whims, rushed talk, hidden regrets and secret fears. It gets easier when you realize they might fear you more than you fear them and just like small dogs they bark in an attempt to scare you so that you wouldn't see how scared they are.

Sympathy. Just let them bark until their agitation wears off. You can never go wrong with sympathy and kindness.

Shift

In a younger age my main concern was whether other people will accept me.

Now my main concern is whether I will accept those so called “other people”.

So from being the intruder I grew up to be the host.

Curious.

... 361

What does "Sex and the city" teach? It's simple: that finding true love is a matter of chance-nothing more, just blind chance. I find that comforting. A romance that isn't casual to begin with would seem more like a job interview.

... 360

People act as if the world owes them something. They don't realize it is the other way around and it is them who should give something to the world. Progress is made not by taking but by adding, sharing and upgrading.

... 359

There are two kinds of people-good...and not so good. Any other differences are nothing but reconcilable details.

(Of course, there's that third kind of truly evil and bad-to-the-bone people of whom I prefer to think of as an exception to the rule. And they are because I don't regard them as "people" but as an unfortunate mistake someone innocent has to pay for.)

... 358

There's a theological discussion taking place next to me and although I have a deep respect for other people's beliefs what I hear is utterly ridiculous. It should be common knowledge by now that the difference between a religion and a cult is the number of followers. To live as if "God" exists is one thing but to really believe that is like believing in Santa Claus. In children that's sweet but in grown ups that is simply disconcerting to say the least. For some reason religion (and I mean any religion at all) can't pass beyond my tolerance line. I guess it comes with too much baggage and is too heavy to cross.

... 357

My favorite blogger posted a new entry: "People cling to life and try to keep it at all cost. They don't realize that the cost is too high. Life is not obligatory."

Finally someone dared to say it! When I say something like that my friends look at me as if I'm deranged. So now I only talk on safe issues. There's no fun in that, alas!

Unforeseen

Yesterday 30 Seconds to Mars postponed their Latin America shows due to “health reasons”.  And that’s it-no more information, just “Our most sincere apologies for this inconvenience.”

Inconvenience? That’s not inconvenience-that’s a bloody disaster. Oh dear. I hope everything will be fine for my concerts. I hope there will be no rescheduling, no postponement or, God forbid!, cancellation.

Is that selfish? From an unbiased perspective I’m sure it is but I’m not unbiased-I’m right in the middle of it, I know how much it means to me. I need those concerts. Need them-like I need air…or so it seems at least. Fingers crossed!

Just for the record: selfish would be if in a certain situation I choose to act in a way that will exclusively benefit me regardless to how it will affect everyone else involved. There’s no such thing here. In this situation I’m just a spectator. I can't affect it but surely I'm worried how it might affect me.

P.S. I just figured why these concerts are so important-because 10 years from now they will be the only thing i'll remember from my life now. 

... 356

I'd love to know what makes people happy because I can’t seem to find the intersection point.

Here's a crazy thought: I could simply ask. It sounds silly but then again maybe not so much. People love to talk about themselves and I don't mind listening. You never know where inspiration will pop up from. 

... 355

How come I’m so cheerful lately (relapses are so few that should be left out of account)? The key is partly in the wishful thinking that my life as it is is nothing but a trial version that is about to expire any day now and then the real life will begin. I wonder how it will be when I run out of lies.

Mirrored

It's nice to be retweeted (thank you, Karn Ivol). It makes me feel as if I’ve done it right. I wish it happened more often but I guess not everything I tweet is worth retweeting. So now tweeting feels like taking a test and each time I wonder-will I fail or pass this time?

Why is other people's recognition so important? Even when it happens it is so short-lived that it's not even worth remembering. Why the acknowledgement in someone else's eyes should matter so much then when it is only my own opinion that should be relevant?