So far so good

You know what kind of a day today was? The “slide over” kind-when I’d use my common sense and jump over the wall instead of crashing in it as usual. The thread I hanged on was thin and just about to break at any given moment and throw me into a tantrum but surprisingly its entity remained untouched to the very end. The whole day I was like “Now I’m going to open my mouth and pour the hell on you” but next I’d say to myself “So what!” and it would work. It was a good day not because something good happened but because nothing of the bad that could’ve happened didn’t.

y/n

Saying “no” is really hard for me. When I have to refuse something/someone it becomes a bit of a personal drama. And I don’t get it then-why do I always have to say “no”? It doesn’t even seem like a conscious decision but more like a reflex; instinctively to decline everything that’s offered.

No comment

I have nothing against playing Russian roulette as long as I’m guaranteed instant death.

“Please don’t go ”

When was the last time I listened to NIN? I can’t remember. OMG (and it is OMG-y worthy), is it really over!? For me, I mean. Indeed, that has happened before. Maybe I need a break again. But…what if the passion I had for that music is gone for good? And if it is so where am I going to find a substitute? And a passion I need to know I’m alive; no, to enjoy the fact I’m alive. I need something to make me smile when there’s nothing to smile about. Religious I might not be but that doesn’t mean I don’t need to believe in something.

An open list of my defects

I never finish what I start. I don’t even finish the books I read. The last few pages are always left unread.

I panic when someone wants to get close to me and to know me better-even when I’m very fond of that someone. I panic when someone talks of love to me. I panic and run.

It’s hard for me to say “no” and in my willingness to please people I often end up engaged in promises I can not keep.

I’m not very good with people…if at all. My appearance is always forced and no matter how cheerful I might seem on the outside a part of me craves to run away and be alone. I don’t know why; neither I know how to prevent it.

But the most serious of all is that for some reason I take "how it is" and "how it should be" to be one and the same.

Many more to come soon-stay tuned. Or don't.

That's life

I looove it