... 382

All my parents wanted from me as a child was to be excellent at school and to obey. And that as well was what they allowed.

No, I'm not grateful.

... 381

I have only one regret about my trip to Vienne - I didn't come back a better person. This time I wasn't lucky to have chances for an upgrade. Pity to see such a good opportunity go to waste.

A couple of days after my return from France I fell sick-literally I mean; it was all over and I just gave up. I'm still sick. I think getting zero support from my friends ("friends") might have "helped".

... 380

Memories fade,

Pain remains;

Heart-shaped.

Sometimes lame melodramatic posts have a soothing effect.

... 379

I have a problem with people's indifference. A huge problem. It works as a poison ivy around my neck.

... 378

"None of this really matters anymore."

My horoscope advises me to speak up my true feelings. Truth, however, comes with a price I'm not sure I'm ready to pay yet. I guess I still have something to lose.

Seriously?!

I come back after a trip to France for 4 days that were anything but easy for me, I'm sad as hell so I send messages to my friends asking them to meet because I need them like never before and they don't even reply?! I go to the office to feed the dogs, there are some colleagues there and they don't say "Welcome back!" or "Glad to see you again!" or anything - only I-couldn't-care-less looks. Even at my favorite café-zero friendliness.

Are you for real? That's the welcome I get? Seriously?!

Edit: the waiters at my favorite café made it up for everyone else big time!

Fury

Going places is great-given those places belong to the so called "civilized world". However, going from there back to Bulgaria gets more and more...humiliating. I'm sorry, I wish it wasn't so but that's the correct word. Apparently Bulgaria is considered a Third World country.
Of course that makes me mad. And as to whom it makes me mad is another, just as important, question.

... 377

For the record: I declare depression season officially open. It doesn't come to say that someone cares-I just need to mark the beginning.

I don't think I want to see anyone until the tour ends.

... 376

Last week I traveled from Sofia to Vienna, then to Linz and Klam/Clam castle, then to Bucharest and from there to Sofia. Throughout the entire journey I had to communicate with different people almost every minute. And I absolutely loved it! It was so rewarding. It's been a week since I came back to my hometown and communication dropped to almost 0 level. I'm beginning to suspect there's something wrong with my fellow Bulgarians. Indeed, what is wrong with you, people? Is there a good enough excuse for being a jerk? I don't think so. How come I get along with foreign strangers much easier than with the people of my own country? Why should the most unpleasant part of my trip be coming home? This is just sad.

Who would'he guessed...

I love my life. I don't say it's perfect-oh no, of course it isn't, it never is. I just say that right now I wouldn't trade it for anyone else's. I've never thought I'd ever come to say that. I think saw that on FB: Life always gives you a second chance-it is called "tomorrow". In "tomorrow" I believe. It's good to now that now and then it believes in me too :)

... 375

Me and my suspicious mind.

It was perfect! And a few miracles were thrown my way :)

... 374

I don't feel good. I'm uneasy, almost terrified. And I'm supposed to be having a great time which only makes me feel even worse than I already am. Why should attending a concert be so complicated?

I was at the venue around 10 am and there were already around 50 people waiting. My meeting point is for 3 pm. I'm guessing the crowd will be much bigger by then.

I'm so nervous. And lonely. I so much wish I had someone with me.

OK, the panic attack was consumed and flushed away. There's no early entry for tonight anyway. Everything that bothers me is beyond my control anyway. I only want to have fun tonight-the more, the better.