Sunday 27 November 2011

... 151

So far the day goes so wrong that I’d be more than happy to go back to the office tomorrow. On second thought-maybe not. Yuck. I miss my smile. Without it I see the world too distinctly to like it.

Saturday 26 November 2011

... 150


It’s so easy to slip back. I don’t want to go back; nothing awaits me there…nothing but the simplicity and the safety of routine. I hope never again to find myself in such despair to be tempted by it. I need my heart resonating with the beat of life.

... 149

Walking on very high heels definitely teaches humbleness, though by force-when the earth beneath your feet shakes you develop an unexpected affection for it…and yet not as much as to want to kiss it. 

...148


It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Well, not yet. But I will. As long as there’s a promise of light on the horizon and magic in the heart I will. How can people bear a life without at least a sprinkle of magic? How can they go blind for beauty? How can they neglect their hearts?

I just thought-it would be interesting to hear Chris Corner cover that song. His voice is perfect to reflect the emotivity of both lyrics and melody.

The light barely glimmers but is not gone for good. Not yet. Not as long as I keep on breathing. Take that, death wish.

Friday 25 November 2011

... 147

I had no idea hair dyeing took so long! Exterior metamorphosis still in progress.  Girls just wanna have fun… Anyway; fun's good but what I really want is a good talk and that, as it turns out, is a rare commodity. Err, whatever. I guess people don’t care much for words. Pity. 

Thursday 24 November 2011

... 146

It’s fun to explore my feminine power-fun, surprising, invigorating...and with a slight touch of disappointment.  I knew image was important and yet... Hmm. A pair of high heels and tight jeans and all of a sudden my existence in this world is acknowledged-as if I have bought a VIP ticket allowing me access to the backstage of life. To my astonishment the masquerade works. What I find even stranger is that the warmth of the limelight feels cozy to bathe into.  Does that make me shallow? Taken out of context I suppose that my newly developed fling with vanity could be referred to as shallowness. I, however, being a key ingredient of the background would call it catching up with the playfulness and the carefree state of mind of youth whose show is drawing to its end and the curtains are about to come down so it is now or never. Shallow and exhilarated or profound and miserable? I don’t have time for wrong choices. 

... 145

Love me or hate me
But care for me-even backwards
A kiss tastes better than a bruise
But empty spaces get no marks
To put them on the map
My sparkling heart will be the guiding light-
Don’t let it go down;
Don’t flirt with darkness and its cold embrace
The love divine lives on the other side

I’m in a mood for life-who would’ve thought?!

... 144

I want The Spiral back. It used to give a sense of unity that the official site fails to create. As if we were the chosen ones. Why did it have to be closed down?

Sunday 20 November 2011

... 143


I must look neither back nor further. I must think of now. I wish there was more to think about.
And I want my Vincent back.  I miss you, my precious one.  I want to love again. I need to love again. Life is not complete without love and nothing can make it up for it.
I am allowed to dream, am I not?

... 142

And light there was. It could’ve moved brisker but it happened as it happened and it wasn’t bad either. It was-to begin with. When you’ve played the game of losing for a substantial period of your life your system of appreciation gets delicate enough to detect even the slightest variations.

Friday 18 November 2011

... 141


And some days you wake up and you find yourself surrounded by nothing but darkness and not even a single spark comes along to break it-as if that’s how it’ll be from now on ‘till the end of times. My time that is. I step on the edge of reason trying to keep my balance. It would’ve been easier if I knew why I should bother at all.
I could use some words of comfort. Any; anyone’s; just to know that light is stuck in traffic but it’s on its way. 

Wednesday 16 November 2011

... 140

I feel like posting “This will make you love again” over and over and over… Not only that voice makes me dream but it as well makes me believe my dreams can indeed come true. Pure magic.

Sunday 13 November 2011

WTF ?!


Over the night my “official” blog was visited 5 times with the total of 23 pages viewed and all the visits came from the USA. Nothing extraordinary so far. What I don’t understand is how come all the visits were direct i.e. they didn’t come from referring sites. I don’t get it. Of course it is nothing but flattering to see someone has taken interest in my twaddle; I guess I’m just curious to know why. Some feedback would feel nice too-my mind craves for new perspectives. “Nothing quite like the feel of something new.”

Thursday 10 November 2011

... 139

As I wrote earlier today on IAMX’s wall: “The lust for rapture is insatiable and selfish.” At least mine is. It’s a hunger that can never be satisfied. And the longer you put it off the greater the pleasure…or so I’d like to believe. A bubblegum to kill the time until the real meal comes.

Now that I think of it I use food allusions quite often. It makes sense to have food as an object of desire considering I’m on my kind of a diet for 10 years already. What you can’t have is always alluring and the fact you were the one to enforce the restriction doesn’t make it easier to obey. But when you do it always feels like a victory.

Wednesday 9 November 2011

... 138

Damn, this time TR deleted his FB account for real and, as I probably guess right, for good. FB shows me that as of today I have a friend less. Not that it was much of a friendship anyway to begin with but it kind of felt good to kind of have it. I’m burning with curiosity to know what aggravated him so much to make him deleted it. And, as with all the questions I’m dying to know the answers to, this one will too remain open.

Sunday 6 November 2011

... 137

Jugging by the comments of the survivors on the IAMX FB wall the Prague show last night (yeah, the one I jabber about for the past couple of weeks to the degree of utter annoyance) has been a real mayhem. Reminds me of my own experience with Prague fans at the NIN gig in 2007 when I managed to keep my front row spot for about six songs and then I had to literary run away from there because heavy bruises were the least I was risking to end up with. So I guess I am lucky to have been not able to go. It’s a minor relief but it’ll do for the time being. I didn’t have the time to learn the lyrics anyway. But next time…next time I will make sure not to miss a thing. Ah, hope is a wonderful thing.

Saturday 5 November 2011

... 136

What does it take to bring a band in your home country? 



There it happened again-I left my first ever comment on IAMX’s FB wall and absolutely no one has posted after it so for the past 3 hours my words are stuck on the top of the page. I like that.

... 135

Witnessing the birth of a new day. Will it bring anything at all? Like something to make me smile? I hope. I have nothing to lose anyway.

Friday 4 November 2011

... 134

One of those looks-awful-at-the-start-but-ends-up-quite-good days. TR’s profile is back online, I have again my cable TV and internet connection (oh, how much I missed you last night!), I managed to finish all the tasks I had for today (I’m dead tired now, of course but who cares?). As if all in all it has been a lucky day but why am I not feeling lucky? Because I couldn’t care less about the important and I couldn’t care more about the unimportant. More than anything I wanted to be in Prague but I’m not and nothing can make up for that.
I want a different life. One in which beauty happens for real.

Tuesday 1 November 2011

... 133


Apparently TR has deleted his FB account. I hate it when he does that. Why was it necessary? He never used it anyway but still it gave some imaginary sense of friendship. Yeah, I know that’s silly.