... 301

Of course I knew TR must have been young before he got to where he is now and yet if feels so odd to watch these photos…and be reminded that every human being, no matter how extraordinary, fascinating or one of a kind, is first of all and above all human.  

... 300

I should print this picture and put it on my memo board: 

... 299

Why can’t I be selfish as other people can? If I could ditch the bitterness inside I could become a second Mother Teresa. That would be quite a joke-my name and the “M” word put together. I, the most unmotherly of all women.

To be gracious means to accept people as they are-as evil and traitorous as they are, as unremorseful and unforgiving as they are, as small and self-delusional as they are. There is no kindness without humbleness. 

... 298

I’m sick-I have a severe flu and it seems to worsen. Which is to be expected since I do nothing about it; and I do nothing because I don’t care which way the flu will go. Passive-aggressive at it’s best. Or maybe not quite because I’m not trying to make a point, I don’t mean to spite someone or gain someone’s sympathy (there’s no one anyway).  I’m simply indifferent and I don’t mean just the flu. As if I'm dreaming a bad dream and I'm waiting to wake up from it. Is that normal?

Ah, the way I feel lately…I’d say such a lack of desire for life corresponds only to a corpse. I want to see no one or speak to no one or...  What’s happening to me? And how long is it going to last this time?

... 297

This will make a nice tattoo-because it will always ring true.

... 296

Why bother to talk? Words can only be a symptom but never the cause for anything. I can not be certain what matters but apparently it isn't words.

... 295

My horoscope didn’t beat around the bush:

 “You're just not fit for human consumption right now.”

I know it but how the hell do they know?! 

... 294

I am an emotional anti-vampire – I feed on beauty and light. 
And I’m starving.

... 293

Seize the day, they say, it will never be repeated again. Thank God for that, I say, I wouldn’t want to go through that crap over and over.

And that’s the only “thanks” God will ever get from me.

... 292

I will do my best not to give a damn about other people’s bullshit today. And I’ll start tomorrow with the same vow. And I will do so until it really works. Enough is enough. My soul is not a dumping ground.

... 291

The three things that bring me joy:

dogs and cats;

dancing;

NIN concerts.

I guess I’m easy to please.

And that would’ve been true if the list of the things that bring me down wasn’t endless.

There’s always something to put out my light. 

... 290

Today is Vincent’s birthday. Would’ve been. He would’ve turned… As if that matters. He’ll be 16 forever. Miss you, my love; always.