... 601

I had to spend almost entire Friday at Berlin Tegel airport (my flight was late at night, I'd slept poorly and was too exhausted to go wherever and do whatever). “I can survive 10 hours at the airport”, I thought, “what's the big deal?”

Time stood still. I would check my phone just to see that what seemed like 2 hours were only 20 minutes.

I hadn't felt in quite some time that feeling of not belonging. It was vivid, almost physical, as if it was an entity, something I could point to or hold in my hand. There I was, stranded at the airport for what seemed an eternity and facing the unchangeable and unquestionable prospect of doing the same for even longer. I was dying, just dying to get away from that airport; and at the same time I desperately didn't want to return to the only place there was for me to return to. Being there sucked, going back sucked even more.

... 600

I might feel miserable in my life for many reasons but matters of the heart is not one of them. Not only I haven't been in love for ages but I seriously wonder if I have ever been in love at all. At some point I figured that love was too much bother and demanded time and energy I didn't have and still don't. The ever growing pressure at work and the exhaustion it leads to simply leaves no room for romance. And I wonder: is love a basic human necessity or simply a social habit that you pick up in youth and accept for granted without questioning? Every day I get home from 10 hours of tormenting work and each time after locking the door behind me I think “Thank God I'm home alone!”