What have I become?!

I received an anonymous apparently spam comment to one of my blog entries posted in mid 2007. Oh, dear. Was it really I who wrote it?! I can’t write like that now…or should I say “anymore”. The gift of gab needs passion-whether positive or negative but passion is a must. I know how I came to be what I am now. I wanted to make sure I’d be safe from harm, that I’d never be hurt again, that I’d never cry again and to avoid hurt you have to avoid caring because who you care about eventually leaves or dies and then you’re hurt; and then you cry; and then life seems deprived of any meaning at all; and then you decide never to care for anyone/anything again because you’d rather be dead than go through that hell again; and then-surprise! Hell is already planted inside you, within your very being. “The flames are all gone but the pain lingers on” sort of.