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I’m insanely mad at myself for being so shy and for keeping myself in isolation for so long that it has become natural and comfortable. I’ve always said I didn’t need many friends, that those I had were just the right number but no, the number is far from right. If I had more friends then maybe at least one of them would’ve agreed to join me and come to Prague with me. But I seemed to have acted like the Ice queen and now I get what I apparently deserve-loneliness. Not solitude but loneliness.

Once again I show up at the station just to see my train leaving without me. Oh, come on! Tell me what to do and I will. I need a clue where to begin from…taken it’s not too late. Yeah, such a loser I am.

* * *

I really know nothing about life. OK, maybe not nothing at all-just enough to be reluctant to know more, enough to know it’s not my cup of tea. What to other people seems to come naturally brings me frustration and enormous stress and I feel like an imposter trying to crash a party on someone else’s invitation. There has to be somewhere I belong to, there must be other people feeling like I do. I’m sick to my bones with hiding, with making way for others to walk on the sunny side of the street while I end up in the shadows.

I’m running out of time. I can’t afford to waste any of it and yet that’s exactly what I keep doing. Pathetic. Sure I’m to blame…but why didn’t anybody bother to stop me? why didn’t anyone care to warn me?