The thread

I want to live just one more NIN concert before I die, just one more.

Oh, who am I fooling? “Just one” will never be enough.

I listen to NIN again-my need for it came back. I wouldn’t say that need is stronger than ever-it’s more of a coming home via new route. And I wouldn’t say my affection for NIN speaks about who I am but it has indeed, in a very significant way, defined who I have become. It’s more than just loyalty-it’s belonging. Everybody needs to belong. “Whatever makes you tick.”

I have a special relationship with “Year Zero”-a vibrant cluster of emotions is attached to it. When I play it those memories come back to life-the first time “Survivalism” was played (Barcelona), the grip of fear of the unknown (Barcelona again), the comfort of seeing Brandy walking in our direction with the envelopes with our tickets in, the anticipation building up as hours of waiting outside the venue would slowly pass by, the thrill of chit-chatting with complete strangers who seemed then to be more like my best friends rather than accidental acquaintances simply because we shared one passion, the opening of the gate and the rush to the rail to get the best spot, the buzz inside, people micro-migrating around, checking the time that seemed to had stopped, the soundcheck-that was always amusing, the some more staring at the stage so you could be the first one to shout as band members appeared one after another, and then lights would come up and time would speed up and then, as if all of a sudden, “Head like a hole” would start announcing the beginning of the end.

It all comes back when I play “Year Zero”. I guess it has never left.