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Yesterday I came face to face with my addiction to attention. I don't seek it, I have at least that much style left not to impose myself on others, but the truth is I desperately crave attention. It is probably the desire to feel special, outlined. I thought I was comfortable with solitude but I've been wrong all along. I am comfortable with it as long as it is (still) a choice, as long as the door out is still open. I can't help asking myself: What do I have to offer when I go out? Why would I be accepted with open arms by anyone? I've been hiding from the real world to avoid harm for so long that I neither got to know it then nor I have any idea about its ways now. 
How did I manage to get so messed up?