.. 420

Blown out of proportion egos disgust me. Only animal abusers disgust me more but then again there is no lower than that.

... 419

I'm beginning to believe that love is overrated.
There's no drama in this conclusion-I'm just stating a fact. Maybe there are limits to my patience after all.

... 418

Today one of the customers at my favorite café was a man with his dog-a gorgeous Golden retriever. The dog was bored and came to me. She spent around 10 minutes leaning on my legs as I petted her. I don't about her but I was in heaven. Why do I love them so much? This is a classic Catch 22: I'm crazy about dogs and that's why I can't afford to get one-because it hurts like hell to part with someone you love so much.

I think a lot about Vincent lately. I recall his final months, how I used to spend weekend afternoons on the sofa with him sleeping in my lap, listening to his breathing. I can't go through that again.

Lost in music

... 417

Don't be fooled-it is a constant battle. To stay positive I mean. You have to keep a firm grip on it because it is slippery and easily scared and if you lose focus you might not get it back. One day you might finally get tired of crawling out of the hole and give in.

...416

It's like the villain in my story is the winter and once it's gone it will be a jolly and wonderful happy-end for everyone. And in spring I'll have to come up with a new story and a new villain. Because I need to believe there is a reason-even if I don't really believe it.   

... 415

One of my FB friends posted a quote from a book by an American therapist who wrote about her own battle with clinical depression. It involved electroshock treatment and antidepressants. And that woman was depressed for...two years. TWO! Americans are so spoiled. Cultural differences I guess. 

... 414

So much to look for in 2015! Like the rest of my life-the better part that is. Fuck depression! Feel free to quote me :)

... 413

This holiday season food was in such a control that the thought about it wasn't even an issue. And I don't even go to therapy. YES! Bravo, girl.