... 535

My heart is growing cold. I am afraid to love. The thought terrifies me.

... 534

If it's true that the whole world is in our mind (and it is true) then denial is not only a useful but also unexpectedly merciful survival trick. I used to be ashamed of using it. Now I deliberately maintain a state of denial. It's either that or total, possibly irreversible havoc to my psychic. If it's truth you’re after then take it, it's all yours. I choose to feel if not ultimately happy then not unhappy at least. 

... 533

So many hints, so many signs - and all of them mean nothing. My mind no longer believes any of my stories.

"What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."

I belong nowhere. Unfortunately that I know for sure.

"The darkest hour is just before the dawn." Well, today is pitch-black but there will be no dawn. "The dawn" is just another story.

"Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies..."

... 532

I made up my mind. We deserve it, all of it. Everything that has happened, happens or will happen to us - we deserve it. My verdict is final.

And if you think that the punishment doesn't fit the crime then your memory is poor.

... 531

I know why I can't find peace. Not only I need to believe that people are good - I do believe that. They're not and I know it. It's a fact that gets confirmed numerous times each day. And yet I'm in denial. Why?

Because facts have nothing to do with faith. And faith I need - faith in someone I can touch and talk to.